The danger of distance

Yesterday night was one of the most powerful student ministry services I have ever been a part of. I am very convinced that there is going to be a lot of life change going on in a lot of people’s lives. There really are not words to describe moments like that when you know everything is going to change. I don’t ever want to miss being a part of momentd like that.

For all that amazingness, I almost missed it. It is not that I was running late like I have before. The problem was not that I was completely distracted by the student next to me. The problem was that I was in “ministry mode.”. It is that state when you stop thinking and living like God is doing the work, but I am. When there is distance between my heart and the ministry going on around me. I start doing ministry for others and don’t allow myself to be ministered to. I tell God I am busy, or worse, I am so busy I don’t tell or listen to God at all until it is over.

I have such a bad habit of analyzing or doing ministry without allowing the Word of God to penetrate my heart. That is such a prideful and callous attitude. I don’t have to pay attention to God because my time is better spent figuring out what a speaker could do better or what I should be doing next. After all, would I be a responsible staff member or volunteer if I were not paying attention to my job or students? God would just be interfering.

Wow. I was told as a kid to stay back for powerful stuff. Distance = Safety. In reality, distance = danger. When I allow myself to put a buffer between me and what God is doing around me I am in danger of getting what I want. I am in danger of being left alone and staying the same. What hypocricy! I tell students to allow God to change their hearts, yet I sit back and enjoy the show. I mistake my doing ministry as being effective instead of realizing that by God’s grace I get the chance to be involved as he changes me.

Really it deals with not wanting to confront the filth and atrocious sin in my heart. It is not convenient or socially flattering to be caught up in the spirit, bawling over conviction. Perry talked about being dangerous on Sunday in one of the coolest worldwide movements of God called “One Prayer”.

To bring it all together, I did finally let go of my pride and fear and God worked on me in spite of me. By his grace and mercy I am being changed little by little.