Stuff to think about when going into dating

I was talking with a friend on Monday night about the possibility of getting into a relationship in the future. We talked about what the circumstances were and how to finish a conversation that was left hanging when they left. So, here is some of the stuff we talked about:

The number 1 priority of a man in a dating relationship is to love and serve God. This is absolutely essential. If this part of your life is out of control, the relationship will be out of control as well.

Treat your girlfriend like your sister. This is not only a spiritual thing, but also a respect thing. I have a sister who is about to finish high school and who has already dated a guy. I love and care for her a lot. (I would probably go to jail if someone did anything to hurt her.) When I hang out with a girl/woman, am I treating her like I would want someone to treat my sister? Would I punch a guy in the throat for touching my sister like I am touching my girlfriend? That is a really good gut check/intentions check for me. Of course, this is based on a desire to be pure, not a desire to stifle all fun. There still needs to be fun and flirting and relational warmth displayed, just be careful that it doesn’t lead to any sort of sinful action or thought process.

Know your boundaries before you have to institute them. If you have thought through, prayed about and are confident in your convictions, then there are no questions when the situation arises to think about what you are doing. This is not to say that once you think about a boundary, whether physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or relational, that you cannot change them once in the relationship. I think it is good to talk about boundaries and expectations of any kind at the very beginning of the dating experience. This keeps you both in a place where you don’t wonder what is acceptable behavior and what is a potential stumbling block. I would say that a good policy is to go with whoever has a stronger conviction, take the tougher route. Don’t make your boy/girlfriend compromise because you feel a greater freedom in Christ. It is your job to guard their heart, especially if you are the male in the relationship. That is one of the most important things that you can do.

On that note, it is the duty and privilege of any man to be intentional and God-fearing in everything that we say and do to our girlfriend/wife. When you leave room for doubt about your intentions in your actions and attitudes, you allow them to doubt your interest in them and the relationship. WE MUST NOT PLAY GAMES WITH GOD’S DAUGHTERS! It takes a man to stand up, regardless of reciprocation and tell a female that he intends to pursue her. Let me clarify this by saying that it should not be a creepy thing where you stalk a girl. I only aim to say that it takes guts to be the leader and put the ball in her court after you have declared your intention. Also, don’t force a guilt trip or awkward situation on a lady hoping that you can get an “I like you, too” right on the spot. Women often need time to think about appropriate responses because everything in their life effects everything.

That is enough for now.

What does it mean to follow Jesus?

Here are some thoughts that I found about being a disciple. I gathered them from various sites by Jewish and Christian communities. Here they go:

Talmid is the Hebrew word for disciple, it means student.

Talmid’s job is to learn everything that his master had to teach.

The disciples of the first century Judaism learned everything from their teacher, and they learned to be just like their teacher. They learned the stories that the teacher told. They learned the lessons that their teacher taught. They learned to eat the foods that their teachers ate, the way their teacher ate them. They learned to keep the Sabbath the way their teacher kept Sabbath and to give charity the way their teacher gave charity. They learned to pray the way their teacher prayed and fast the way their teacher fasted. They learned how to keep God’s commands the way their teacher kept them. The disciples followed their teacher everywhere he went, and the teacher taught his disciples everything he could.

Then, after a disciple was fully trained, he would become a teacher and teach disciples of his own.

Every disciple fully trained will be like his teacher. – Luke 6:40

Disciples regarded their teachers higher than their own fathers. This was a servant to master relationship.

There are 4 jobs of a disciple: memorize their teacher’s words, learn their teacher’s traditions and interpretations, imitate their teacher’s actions and raise up disciples.

Matthew 28:19-20 shows that what we are to do is nothing more than what disciples are supposed to do anyway, make more disciples.

The disciples of Jesus were never to take the role of master, because unlike the masters of the Pharisees or the men of the Great Assembly or sages like Hillel or Shammai, Jesus is still alive. Followers or Jesus are forbidden to make their own disciples because their job is to raise up more disciples of Jesus.

Jesus was the kind of rabbi that had authority to teach new interpretations of the scriptures. Sermon on the mount is full of examples of this kind of teaching.

The purpose of the talmidim was to totally duplicate the lifestyle of their Teacher.

Hebrews 13:7

It is a daily effort to deny self, know the Savior’s way of life, and live accordingly.

John 13:34-35

Luke 14:26

These thoughts came from here, here and here.

College Mentoring

I think it would be really cool if there were some sort of ministry/connection for churches and college students.  This ministry would provide not only a way for students to find a church to attend, grow in and serve, but also provide churches with college age people who can volunteer/complete internships.  I think every church can benefit from college student participation.  The area where I think college students work the best is with middle and high school students, but they can be beneficial in almost any area of ministry.  There is an air of excitement and passion that young volunteers bring to a ministry that is vital, and which many churches lack.

I think it would be even cooler if there were large, well funded churches who had an internship program where they would train and pay college students to fill roles at smaller, less well funded churches.  The churches that receive the interns would have to be on-board with (or, at least not opposed to) the style of leadership and goals of the funding church.  This would create a community among the churches in a given city or state that is not necessarily present today.

I believe that there is too much separatism in church leadership.  In many cases, churches inside the same denomination will not help each other, much less care about each other because they see each other as rivals.  This communicates not only schisms, but hypocrisies as well to people who don’t attend those churches.  If we, as people who love and follow Jesus, can move toward being one body of believers, there is no limit to the impact we can have on the world and lives around us.

It would also be cool if there were a program to connect college students with older adults who would be willing to mentor or disciple them on a regular basis.  Some people believe that discipleship should only occur when a mentor approaches a mentee with potential.  I think that simply providing the opportunity for the Spirit to connect people will in and of itself produce fruit for the kingdom.  This is not some sort of forceful program to jam people together just to do it, but a way to allow people to genuinely benefit each other “as iron sharpens iron.”

Africa Rescue

Here is an idea that I had on 2/12/06:

Have a halfway house/orphanage on the coast of the Mediterranean that takes children from war torn African states and puts them in a place where they have a chance to not only survive, but succeed.

Either the children can be adopted or can stay and relocate when they reach 17-18 years old.

This venture would need lots of political ties for visas and travel clearance. It would have to have plenty of language training for the people who work at the facility.

All of the young boys would be taught trade and job skills. Instead of being taken from their village and made part of a militia group, they could have a chance to work and produce. All of the young ladies would be in charge of taking care of all of the younger children, including babies. This would teach the parenting skills that they would miss from growing up as an orphan.

It would also need ties to countries in Europe who speak the corresponding languages that the children speak. That way there could be a work program set up for the older children to go work in a country where they can raise children without constant war threats.

Have ties with local schools or eventually have a school as part of the facility.

Start the venture off with only 12 or so children with high intensity discipleship as the main focus of the entire experience. Then, when they have gone through 5 or more years of the program, you can allow them to disciple some of the new, younger children. That way, everyone is both learning and teaching as they go through the process. Then, you give the most solidly founded and trained 17-18 year olds to go back to their homes or countries and become a sort of missionary.

At first, it would require traveling around Africa to find children who are able to come to the orphanage, but eventually, it would be recognized as a success and people and governments would want to send their children the program.

There would have to be special care given to the placement of children in the facility. If two children from warring factions of one country are put together before any progress is made, it could be very difficult and detrimental to not only the children from the country, but also the other children who live in the home.

It may be easier to locate the home on the coast of Spain, or on one of the Greek islands so that there would be easier ties to Europe and the EU.

Potentially go multi-site as demand grows for the benefits it provides the children.

Possibly have a location in the Caribbean to expand for help with Haitian and Cuban refugees. It could eventually expand to where a large parcel of land is purchased in America or Africa for a community of “graduates” to settle and create a safe community from which to launch a new life. The graduates would use the skills they have acquired to build the community from the ground up.

Garage and life tools

Here is an idea that I had on 2/8/06:

Create a garage for inner city/underprivileged young men and women to come and learn the skills they need to work on cars.

This provides several potential benefits:
-real world skills and experience
-a way to keep youth “off the streets”
-opportunties for mentoring/discipleship
-car repairs for low-income/single parents

Have at least one certified mechanic (possibly retired) who can run the garage and take on the youth as apprentices for a one or two year period.

Also have the garage open late for young people to come and work on their own cars. They can rent the bays and tools they need. They can also rent the experience and guidance of the certified mechanic. Use this rental system to help offset the major costs.

Would have to keep a large stock of car parts for most common vehicles that a low income person would drive. Their could be a network made with local and regional car parts distributors. Run as 501.c.3 non-profit organization so that companies could donate or discount parts and supplies for tax purposes.

Could provide complimentary cleaning of car with each service to single parents.

Specialize in minor repairs, but have the opportunity to have the certified mechanic do major work for a low rate. Also have a brake/tire/alignment bay. Potentially partner with companies that do automotive repair and servicing so that you can push apprentices toward a job when they are ready. This will give the apprentices a couple of years of experience and time to figure out if this is what they want to do. They could go into a little tech schooling after the apprenticeship is over to become certified themselves.

Work out a partnership where certified mechanics come out on Saturdays to donate specialized instruction courses to the apprentices.

Work out a partnership with a towing service (or eventually purchase your own truck) to give a big discount to working single parents. There would be a pickup and drop-off service during business hours.

Only charge single parents for parts. Labor charges for low-income customers should be half the normal rate of a certified mechanic.

One major drawback to this idea is the insurance needed to open a garage like this. There would need to be some significant donations or backing to continue to run this project for any length of time. Another is that there is a large capital investment right out of the gate for the tools and facilities.

As much as people may not honor the agreement, have a liability waiver for everyone to sign. You are, after all, having apprentices involved in the work on the car.

PB&J Missions

Here is an idea that I had a little ways back:

Go and find homeless people in my city/town & feed them. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are pretty universal, except for allergies. Have middle and high school students make the sandwiches and/or sack lunches for the community. Then have them give the lunches out to the people and interact with the homeless why doing so.

The idea is to feed the hungry. Not just once, but as often as they are hungry. There are people who may disagree with the idea. “If you give a man a fish…” If the people become dependent, it is dependence on God’s grace. Being dependent on God is the only thing to which we should aspire. What if the people are praying for the food you are nervous about handing out?

Back to the project. We then have the opportunity to share in God’s work (which is stinkin’ awesome). What a privilege to be a part of what the Creator of the universe is doing.

Do this twice a month (or more) all summer. This is a convenient time to start the project since the students will have nothing better to do anyway. Then, perhaps it will carry on all year. It is the job of the ministry staff and volunteering adults to keep the excitement up until the students catch and own it. Students will not initially think that this is cool or worthwhile, but will once they build relationships with not only each other, but also with the people to which they minister. This can become a way to make disciples, not just the students, but also the homeless.

This project can be paired with another activity initially (bowling, go to a movie, all nighter, missions weekend, lake day) to gain interest from students who don’t gravitate toward service and missions.

Encourage students to pray with the people that they feed. I have found that students will be really apprehensive at first; but with a little success and experience, they go full speed into ministry.

Have a quick debriefing afterward with some prayer time. This will allow you to not only gauge the experience for the students, but also handle questions they have about what just happened or what one of the homeless said to them (you can hear some pretty insane stuff if you hang around long enough, some of it will be faulty theology that you want to teach your students to process through and find truth).

I believe that this kind of project is essential in not only developing students with an appreciation for service, but also to expand their normally narrow view of the world in which they live.